1/10/10 – Clarifying Powers of Water

I was talking with a visitor here about why I moved from Hawaii to Colorado and how I found I prefer the mountains to the sea. The conclusion was that I find that the mountains offer a future-oriented contemplation towards higher aspirations and possibilities as embodied through the virtue of inspiration. The sea, on the other hands focuses one to perform deep past-oriented introspection into the depths of one’s being by examining what lurks beneath and what is most important to survival.

Perhaps what I find so compelling about the mountains is that they do not force me to still my mind and look deeply at the places that scare me, but give me an opportunity to look up and towards the future I’m committed to, unencumbered by the heaviness and significance of past decisions. The dynamic between my future being an empty canvas onto which to paint a created life, versus a sea of prior completed works which indicate one’s former patterns representing the sea of the past.

The two years of experimentation with sex, drugs, and rock’n roll when I lived in California in my early 20s taught me what I did not want out of life. I moved back to Maryland with that new knowledge and fell into a life with the absence of those things – but with presence of little else. After 8 years of finding myself in a career that was not satisfying I moved to Hawaii to pursue a degree in Chinese Medicine. It took 10 years of floundering around in my life in a miserable and non-contemplative state for me to break free from the stagnation my life had become in Maryland. While in Hawaii, the island turned me inside out and had me stare intently at the places that scared me. In that year, for the first time in my life, the contemplative power of the sea taught me what I did want out of life. That gift of self-knowledge give me a new vision of what I needed to create for myself so that I can be best supported in my quest to be of service to others.

The year in Hawaii was the loneliest and most isolated I felt since early childhood. When I moved to Hawaii I had left my family, my friends, my career, source of income and let go into the waters of the unknown life with only a hope that I was doing the right thing. I was alone on a rock in the middle of nowhere studying a style of medicine that did not speak to my spirit and a group of people that didn’t really bond. Uninspired, I encountered very few people that shared my love for the divine in this medicine. Grieving for a loss of my former life and unable to let go fully I developed terrible fatigue and depression accompanied by shortness of breath and bad reactions to volcanic smog pollution from Hawaii’s volcano. I attempted to piece a new life together by getting involved with a local classical music group and give myself a practice for adding inspiration back into my life while struggling with the decision whether I should remain on the island and continue studying this uninspiring medicine or leave.

The sea clarified for me what I did need out of life. I needed to pursue Five Element medicine, because it was in this medicine that I found inspiration and spirit. I also needed a community of support as most of my former friendships and relationships stopped being relevant to the person I was becoming. I needed a cooler climate, expansive vistas, clear streams, and a clearly delineated autumn season. The school in the mile high state of Colorado held a deep presence of the metal element in its most grand expression of the Mountain scape. Newly inspired – my life on the Island became enjoyable again. I loved each day. The familiar beaches, forests, and vistas which had been my prison for 8 months became instead a wonderland of restful and joyful abundance. I once again could enjoy Hawaii for its primitive and untarnished beauty. With the promise of a new possibility, the knowledge of what I needed, and a new found wisdom in what was necessary to attain it, I was renewed and capable and made the move.

Since that time my life has turned more vital, awake, filled with newness and motivation. Since moving to Colorado I’ve been hiking, going to the gym, studying, making new friends and contacts, and thoroughly enjoying the mountains with the freshly awed eyes of a newborn each time I lay eyes on them. I have found my home and the community I need to support me in the years to come. Renewed, the Metal element lets go of the past, enables a symbolic death and the rebirth through the infinite sea of potential found in the water element to a new, inspired and joyful life.

I have found a place that supports my deficient Metal element and brings me back towards a more centered space. Now that I’m back in Kona sitting under a kukui nut tree on the beach looking at the roiling waves before me, I’m curious what new knowledge and wisdom my time here will offer…