How to Water Plants...

This entry is in response to the prior comment posted under my prior entry.

Thank you so much for letting the seeds get watered and germinate in your mind into your unique contribution and response :) I'm glad to be having this discussion because I learn lots of things from it and it allows me to expand on my own thoughts on the matter.

It also warms my heart because I too find it so hard to let people live their lives as they are living when I have some food and water that I know works for me that could help them live better. Of course I know that 'better' is unfortunately my own definition and I have lots of proof and evidence to point to that this definition of 'better' is applicable to others.

Its so difficult to watch others suffer. And yes, maybe its just not their season to grow. Maybe they must grow ugly, wither and die, letting go of old growth first and live in the winter of being dormant and without any new movement. Knowing that we each have cycles of growth and cannot be pushed to early spring, to early flowering, to early maturity and early harvest gets the pressure off of us to grow at all costs even when its not time. Some of us want to grow all the time, and in today's culture the Wood element is out of control. We grow all the time, we take no winter, and we don't let go of the past, but grow, faster, faster, and faster, using up all the resources till we're incredibly tired. This is not how nature intended. Nature intended distinct seasons and distinct timing. When we allow ourselves to live in whatever season is appropriate to our growth we can be peaceful, and grow in accordance with time.

Looking at other people's suffering causes us to feel like we want to respond. Its a natural thing, and if we didn't we would become cold and dead ourselves - completely unable to help those in need. Instead of becoming cold and ignoring people's suffering - the way that I think we can respond is to be relevant to what their needs are. Sure, they may not be caring for their basics like food and water, and from our perspective it looks like the most important thing they are missing is food and water. Just like Marshal Rosenberg says in Non Violent Communication - the causes of people's suffering is rooted in unexpressed and unfulfilled needs.

When I try to communicate and bring the water I have and sense resistance - I must know that the resistance isn't about me. Its about them and what their unfulfilled needs are. This should be a wakeup call that I'm not bringing the right food that is needed in this moment. I talked about this in the GIEN conference - be relevant first, and they people open up to whatever message you have. You know the feeling when you are hungry and you still have 2 hours before you will get home? You are ravenous and can't pay attention to anything or anyone, can't listen to the radio, can't concentrate on what everyone else is saying. Your basic needs are screaming to you - I... need... to... eat... now....

Nothing goes in unless our basic hunger is fed first and this is the lesson from Earth. Because of this, and if we learn to recognize the needs to others, we can respond to their suffering without being frustrated that they're not taking in what we think is good for them right now. This is why Non Violent Communication suggests that we need to verify what we thing people's needs are, because we can get it wrong.

Resistance is a mechanism each of us has to anything new that may threaten the balance or introduce something that doesn't fit in with what we need in the present moment. Perhaps the resistance others have towards us and the resistance we have towards others is the source of lessons which will give us peace and ability to be free to be ourselves in any situation.

The nature of Wood is to feel resistance and be frustrated by it. The distinction is whether you make the resistance personal, or just simply something that needs to be broken through for your own growth. Benevolence therefore mediates the discernment between your growth and the growth of others as being on a different trajectory and cycle than your own and knowing that this is as nature designed it. And because nature designed it this way, it should be celebrated.

So when people suffer they may be suffering because they arn't being heard, they have noone to come home to, they are disconnected from their family and friends and feel lonely, they feel unvalued, they feel unnourished by their work and feel stuck and mired in a lifeless routine, they're disconnected from their spirituality, are unable to let go of the past which limits who they believe they can be in the future, they're afraid of making changes in life and being alone, or suffering, or losing themselves in the process. Sometimes they just need a hug, a glance of "I understand you sister, brother". We are all wilting for different reasons and need different food and water in the moment to give us spirit to persist on. And when we're given our immediate needs, be can become far more open to new ideas. If our spirits are safe, secure, nourished, loved, contributing, and alive - we can be more inclined to hear, and have room in our lives to look to other sources of food and water.

Maybe in this life some people are like a cactus that is prickly and ugly on the outside, and is malnourished, and doesn't have abundant food and water holding on to all of its reserves and putting up thorns so that noone gets close to them and takes what they have. Maybe they think that they are unloved, unappreciated, and noone wants to touch them. Perhaps a cactus like that in the office needs a special type of care and needs to bask in the sunshine so that they too can flower in their own way with what God gave them. Maybe their destiny is to be that way and still bring joy and nourishment to others within their own type of self-expression. If don't see that we spend our whole lives fighting against people being who they are, versus fighting for our own cause - and this is exhausting.

The image for benevolence is to imagine yourself growing into this huge 300ft tree like in the movie Avatar. You spread your branches far and wide and then all sorts of life can live within your branches and in your shade. They come to you for what you have to offer because they have needs and see that you can fulfill all their needs. Not just give them fruit and nuts, and dew from your leaves as water - but offer shelter, security, understanding, support, a place to lay their head, and to be themselves in your branches. All the birds, bees, squirrels, and other beasts of the trees then make your branches their nest. Other plants that need less sunshine and need cooler climates can then grow on the floor and they in turn are nourished by the compost of whatever leaves you let go of in the process of yearly renewal.

Being happy and at peace is not ignoring others and being only concerned with your own growth and wellbeing while watching people wilting around you. If you are offering what they need most they will come to you. And if someone else is offer what they need most they will come to them.

If you don't offer safety and security (earth), they will go to someone or something that does.
If you don't offer unconditional love and acceptance of who they are (fire), they will go to someone or something that does.
If you don't offer quality and inspiration (metal), they will go to someone or something that does.
If you don't offer confidence, wisdom and courage (water), they will go to someone, or something that does, and
If you don't offer vision and persistence for what is possible in all realms of body mind and spirit (wood), they will go to someone or something that does.

Its a tall order to have all those virtues and embody them in such a way that they overflow with such abundance that everyone can be nourished by you regardless of each of their individual needs. This is why we were each given talents so that we can nourish those that resonate to our talents. And we can point them to others who have talents we don't if they need something we cannot, or do not offer ourselves. We don't need to be everything for everyone.

If we can grow into the vision of the tall tree, healthy in the body, mind, and spirit, and always looking towards the vision for what is possible in those realms and pursuing it with the even, steady, and cyclical growth of the seasons, then others will come to us looking for what source of nourishment we used to get there and what needs we went after in our lives.

The funny thing about cultivating our individual talent is that by cultivating one, we cultivate all of them. When one element is truly balanced, all the elements come into balance and we end up offering them all. I see this in my Sensei. She has her goal of teaching and using this one form of acupuncture, and that is her own vision. She is also so beautifully benevolent in that she knows that she believes so much in her own work, but knows that this may not necessarily be the way for everybody. Each lecture we get she talks about us finding our true source of water. In her encouraging me to go to Five Element school, and encouraging others to leave her class and do their own thing (one become a publisher, another a videographer, another a musician) that she is giving them the best medicine. She is giving them the right to exist as they were born to be. In being benevolent, she also radiates all the virtues of all the elements.

She said the other day "You all know that I have a temper, and I have been fighting my whole life with my temper and my frustration. Each day when I wake up I pray to God to help me be clean for the day. In between each patient I wash my hands, and it may look to you like I am washing my hands, but to me I may be furious with the patient and frustrated with why they are here again, but in those 30 seconds, it is the alone time I need to wash my hands, my mind, and my spirit so that I can bring in the light of God, the gold light of healing into my being so that it can express itself in the treatment. I am nothing but a hollow insertion tube, and God is the needle. I must polish and clean my insertion tube every day so that nothing obstructs God coming through the insertion tube into the patient."