True Medicine

This weekend I attended a workshop in Berkeley held by Lonny Jarrett, entitled Chinese Medicine in the 21st Century. What follows is a collection of thoughts and conclusions from my trip.

Self-realization...

Having been revealed today as a Small Intestine constitutional type (subset of Fire) was quite unexpected. At first it seemed more to me that my current set of problems were more recent Small Intestine acquisitions, yet when I take time to reexamine my life through the context of this lens, much more seems to fit than a primary constitution of metal. What is true, however, is that elements exist within elements, and my prior assumption that I was metal has in large part fallen on me to reconcile into a newly suggested framework. What I did know previously is that there is a primary and a secondary elemental type, and much of the secondary element is created conditioning and assumed coping mechanisms layered on top of natal conditioning.

While I'm still processing what has occurred this weekend, and sorting through it (as a Small Intestine does), one thing that ran true is that a Small Intestine constitutional type in a pathological state does not know how to separate that which is pure, essential, and succinct from everything else. Because of this, the SI type has a belief of "I am misunderstood", or "I cannot understand". This results in ceaseless attempts to explain itself over and over again as it fails to clearly separate that which must be communication from that which doesn't through proper articulation. This generates a person who creates 14 page articles on something that could be articulated in a few short paragraphs. This creation just happens to be one more of them :)

In a healthy state the SI is able to recognize that which is worth keeping and that which is superfluous, and garbage. In a pathological state, it oscillates - seeking to avoid commitment to any one thing and putting a stake in the ground about its value - and therefore pursuing it till completion. Because of its inability to extract the essence, it lacks nourishment. Because of the failure of my subdued fire to control the metal of my Large Intestine, this has resulted in a very Metal methodology of dealing with life. Metal precision and perfectionism becomes a predominant characteristic.

An example of this has resulted in my taking over 100 pages of notes this weekend - total and complete inability to sort through anything - so I keep it all, as much as possible and confuse myself completely in the process. Its interesting how all of my career choices have had to do with dealing with vast quantities of data in order to extract the essence. My prior career was a compensation for the lack of applying this same skill in other areas of my life, where paradoxically it functioned so extremely well within the context of software development, and problem solving inherent in technical project management.

Since the remainder of this post was written yesterday, I've not edited it much, and am not going to apologize for its run-on nature. I will simply make conscious choices henceforth to attempt to edit myself more :) The possibility of being supported in this through Five Element acupuncture is much of a relief, while at the same time realizing I cannot take myself off the hook.

Conclusions from Berkeley...

After concluding the first day of the seminar on Chinese Medicine in the 21st century with Lonny Jarrett I took a walk through Berkeley. Much of this post's words are my interpretive summation of some of Lonny's words articulating what I have instinctively known to be true and what I have failed to articulate and distinguish before.

The picture that Lonny paints has been an integration of several new paradigms of thought:

Integral Theory
Spiral Dynamics
Evolutionary Enlightenment

Theories largely introduced and developed through work of Ken Wilber and Andrew Cohen at the Integral Institute and Enlighten Next organization. What Lonny brings to the table is a paradigm of medicine designed to harness Five Element constitutional diagnosis and treatment as it applies to the nourishing of individual and global destiny in the context of the above theories.

I did not have any questions of substance for Lonny today, because from what I surmise, I have all of the 'information' already. Lonny has the knowledge, experience, and level of integrity which creates the living embodiment of the values and what those values make possible alive in him as an example of that to which I aspire and will in myself to become. Most of what I could have asked I knew the answers to already, and anything technical or informational is not a relevant question - because either he'll talk about it, or its already in his book or available on his forum. If anything, as a sign of respect I must read the book first. All of what I learn and aspire to can be practiced now in all areas of my life. What's missing for me is not the information, and this weekend has clarified it for me vividly. I'm not practicing and thus acquiring the skills I aspire to cultivate in myself. Through practice and consistently shifting my attention off the ego, clearing away inauthenticity, focusing on the creative impulse and authentic self, I know I can cultivate these virtues to the degree of integrity that I know I can. The realization of my lack of integrity in this simply brings me shame.

Shame:

All the practices I must follow I already know about. I'm not missing the information. All I'm missing is the action under the guise of 'getting ready' to be ready - delaying responsibility by thinking and talking about it and making it more complicated than it is. All truth is fundamentally so simple we as a species complicate things by talking about it rather than acting upon it. Even in meeting with some people during breaks it became apparent to me just how willing we are to talk about what we know we should do as an act of delaying taking action. Much of what goes on in churches and support groups after the meeting is over is a mutual pat on the back and agreement about why its hard to be authentic and actually follow the words spoke. Its a stream of justifications and cynical marginalization with a prompt exit towards the nearest restaurant where what was talked about can be forgotten and replaced with good tasting food to obliterate one's senses and make one feel better about not living up to instilled potential.

Its for this reason that I found myself silent today. Silence is the only appropriate response for me in the face of knowing that I'm missing is action - and the silence is simply nothing more than my own shame. I cannot hide under the blanket of pretending to not understand and the blanket of continuing to need clarification just as a delay tactic for taking on what I authentically know is true.

Even right now I want to give myself an out about making a commitment to meditating - something I know will yield untold benefits - but I delay to give myself an out from the practice because my ego seeks a better more fun, more pleasurable experience. Many people can have a 'truth' and talk about it fluently, but have no integrity in their lives about it - myself included. We're all well read experts on our favorite well intentioned topics which require nothing more than action. The worst thing we want is to be shamed into action, and to be humbled - yet this is the kind of medicine we need to wake up from our own selfishness. There is no greater compassion than to give people back their meaningful pursuit of purpose in their lives as a remedy to resignation and cynicism.

The Trance of Narcissistic Self-Absorption:

I reflected on the day while walking the streets of Berkeley. I became present to just how much work there is to be done in the world - how many experience-chasing narcissists walk the streets pursuing the next thing to make their privileged lives more comfortable and pleasant - how many people are self absorbed with their own problems and excuses for why their lives take on such mediocrity - myself among them - everyone patting eachother on the back with the unspoken placation and mutual agreement: "what a hard life you've had, its ok, do something nice for yourself, lick your wounds, you're a victim of such a stressful life, go to the spa, get a massage, a pedicure, or attend a conference on chinese medicine - go buy your next good experience, you deserve it".

The Illusion that All things are Relative:

Post-modern people live in the illusion that there is no absolute truth, and that all truth is relative. You're experience is just as valid as my experience. This occurred after authoritarian hierarchies such as belief in institutionalized religion was abolished with the baby boomer generation. The failure to realize that if you are to have any authentic spiritual life it necessitates the belief in the existence of hirearchy was forgotten - i.e., there's something higher than you which obviously points you away from your self-referencing relativistic truth. Instead all truth and all religions became relative truths and stopped being regarded as absolutes. The getting rid of absolute truth created a culture where everyone gets to escape from being judged and all actions no matter how insane or unethical become ignored for sake of the collective illusion of peace. If you notice, there is no place in nature and peace does not exist naturally. This manifest universe is not a space for peace - chaos exists at all levels, because the universe is not about peace and stasis, its about change.

Post-modern narcissists ignore responsibility to the community, to the world, and most of all, anesthetize their own conscience and listen mostly to their permission-giving rationalizations for self-absorbed vain narcissistic experience-seeking indulgences. All of this in order to avoid doing in their relationships, families, places of work, and communities what they authentically know needs to be done deep in their heart. Making all truth relative has elevated the self, the I, the me to be the judge of all phenomenon as the dictator of absolute truth - noone can judge me. I create my own reality.

Buddhism and the Post-modern mind...

Today's Buddhists in the west cannot possibly relate to the original doctrines that all life is suffering. There is very little suffering in the west. All of the physical suffering has been eradicated for the middle class. We're fed, clothed, educated post-modern people, with absolute freedom and no externally applied stress. The only suffering that remains is suffering created purely as a result of human choice and not acts of God creating floods, earthquakes, and famines.

When survival needs are met and a middle class develops, suddenly problems which before were completely inconsequential become the focus of day to day life. When there is no absolute hierarchy, noone needs to respect tradition and follow external authority, the authority becomes all internal. Hence why morbid self-interest has become the disease of the 21st century and given birth to psychoanalysis and therapy - because all that remains of the threats to the individual exist within choosing mind and its decision making narcissism-driven processes. Its these processes then that seek nothing more than to feel better and better all the time about the guilt, hopelessness and meaninglessness felt as a result of having an existential void - a lack of direction in life other than relativistic selfish pursuits born purely out of self-referencing.

Divine Justice:

Some people who have had near death experiences have reported that in the second after death where the nervous system releases control over the egoic filter people see their lives for what they really were, and what they really could have been if they had followed every impulse they knew was authentic and had integrity. To those people watching the movies of their entire incarnation playing out and the potential their lives could have manifested in life is the final excruciating justice a person can receive to see how they used what was bestowed to them at birth. Whether you believe this actually occurs or not is unimportant. What's important is the implication this has on examining what our lives are for, what we could become if we take living an authentic life seriously. Doing so is simply a matter of choice, and not a matter of conditioning or agreement.

Since globalization and the advent of science and the industrial evolution of the 1800's, God is no longer deciding the destiny of this planet. God is not running monsanto and genetically polluting the world's food supply. God is not poisoning the lakes and the rivers. All of these are direct consequences of human choice. This has everything to do with the evolution of our race's global value system - or lack thereof.

Our value system has had to shift over time from survival of the self, to the family, to the tribe, to the race, to the nation, to the planet, and finally to the process of life itself. We may operate at the level of identification with any one of these value systems, but the bottom line is that noone below the global value system has any inkling of why its important to recycle, for example. Global consequences of our actions and the extinction of the species is not considered by value systems prior to this level, and most Judeo-Christian religions are mostly concerned with leaving this rock from a dated belief that we were somehow plonked on it out of nowhere by God, rather than born of the Earth as the most current incarnation of consciousness and spirit itself.

The responsibility for stewardship of the planet has been swept under the rug of "what's the point, God's coming soon anyway to clean up our mess", we can do what we damn well please. He'll forgive us anyway. Well, if you notice, this hasn't happened yet and each generation of Christians think their generation will be the last one and the end will come soon. This lack of planning for the future and resignation about the fate of our planet and all species on it is a complete lack of responsibility and laziness, and ignoring of reality. In the meantime, the scriptures read "Blessed are the Meek, for they shall inherit the earth". 'Meek' could be translated from the original scripture as "those that follow the laws of nature" but has been replaced with an obscure term that is thrown from the pulpit with no consideration for its actual meaning.

Its interesting to consider that the Mayan prophecies about the end of the world all state that the very ones who have damaged and polluted the earth will be charged with its restoration and the starting of a new age. We're still very far from taking responsibility for our abuses we've exercised on our home and eachother as a species. We're too self-absorbed and our value systems around the globe will only catch up if narcissism is renounced for sake of the greater good.

The Illusion of no Hierarchy:

The cancer of the ever capitulating, hirearchy-renouncing post modern mind walking today's streets generates an unspoken anesthetic - its all relative, everyone is equal, everyone's opinions are valid, you do you're thing, I'll do my thing, nobody is wrong, therefore don't judge me, and I won't judge you, you can't tell me what to do, I'll do what I want, how I want, when I want it, and everything will be just fine. We can live around eachother ignoring the lack of ethics, manipulation, self-centeredness and self-absorption that permeates every decision and action perpetuated by the egoic self in an attempt to feel better about the latest setback in the quest for power, sex, or money, because hey - my view of life is just as valid as yours. Shameless self-absorption. Where's our ethical spine? There is a natural hirearchy, and yes, some views of life ARE more superior than others. Certainly you would not say that Hitler and Ghandi were on the same evolutionary level? Therefore you wouldn't say that people who don't keep their word are on the same level as people who do keep their word?

Today when kids are introduced to adults they barely shake their hand, don't look them in the eye and return to playing their video game. They have no respect and natural fear and awe for hirearchy. This is because their parents who resulted from the post modern culture don't respect anybody and treat everyone as peers - or worse, as less than themselves - through a narcissistic belief that each one of us is special and therefore better than everyone else. When you have no respect for hierarchy, your values end up transferring to your children. There's no respect for elders, or teachers - because hey man, just cos you've lived longer on the planet, and have more experience doesn't make you any better than my narcissistic self, and therefore don't judge me, I can do what I want, and think what I want. Its a free country. Only when the natural hierarchies are restored (as opposed to artificial hirearchies designed to control people and pursue power) and there is recognition that we as a species have an evolutionary impulse and a collective purpose to our lives will we be able to truly take responsibility for the mess post-modernism has inflicted on the spirit, and on the planet.

This egalitarianism is what has created the movement of equal rights to where we now have extended space for such expressions of equal rights as gun right, logger's rights, homophobic bigots' rights, etc. Throwing our hirearchy has thrown out ethics for the sake of getting along without conflict - ignoring the responsibility we have for creating a future that works. As was reflected in today's discussions the democratic party are capitulatory and mild and don't get anything done because they're too busy trying to figure out how to get along with the republican party and to find common ground with everyone's point of view - as if they're ethically equal (i.e., post-modern relativism). The republicans on the other hand have no qualms about taking action regardless of the feelings of others for sake of a 'just' cause such as war. The democrats on the other hand spend most of their time saying "excuse me, pardon me, sorry, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.", and therefore avoid doing anything of consequence. The exception to this has been the Obama administration which in principle stands for actual meaningful values in the 21st century and has conviction to pursue them.

The feel good political correctness permeates all baby boomer and post-modern mindset to where there is only stasis and inaction, and people refusing to take a stand for fear of being unpopular because they will hurt someone's feelings, or affect their own political careers. Everyone is just very casual about everything and never takes anything seriously anymore. No evolution has ever occurred in periods of comfort. Evolution only seems to occur when there is stress to motivate it.

The Impact of Evolving Value Systems...

As I walked the streets of Berkeley, I saw how much my life touches and comes in contact with, and just how little it takes to feel completely powerless. The disease of post-modernism gives birth to total and complete cynicism about a brighter future for each individual fulfilling their potential, and the possibility for us as a species. Its a disease of inaction and stasis. And stasis is certain death. The walking dead are everywhere - I refuse to be one of them. Empowerment is nothing more than a choice - the selection of a future as distinct from what people tell us is or is not possible.

If I actually took full responsibility for my own integrity on everything I say I aspired towards, I would probably have lots of enemies, and also large amounts of people following me around. But the fact is that I'm too narcissistic and self-protective to actually do what it really takes to give my all to a cause worth dying for. But, this is not what I'm committed to. Through constant striving for a personal increase in integrity through taking risk when previously I refuse to plants my feet on the path of living up to my ideals. The rest takes will, choice, and responsibility.

Evolution versus Revolution:

The older I get the more distinctly I realize that my value system as one I aspire to and align my will to is evolving beyond self-centeredness and self-gratification and into a value system which sees a larger context for my life and the lives of everyone around me. I no longer share the same value system as most of the people I grew up with and the number of people with whom I can have a conversation about this stuff grows smaller and smaller by the day. As values evolve, so do the relationships I choose to maintain and the people I choose to listen to are those who are on the bleeding edge and less and less with those who are simply content with the status quo.

The recognition of hirearchy can either give the ego something to feel good about by pointing out who is below you on the evolutionary ladder, or it can humble you into seeing just how far you have to go. Only cynics and narcissists will throw stones at you if you're professing something larger just to make themselves feel better about their level of inaction.

Naturally some friends will fall away because as I strive for ever greater integrity in my own life, the ability for cynicism to exist around me will greatly diminish - mainly because I won't tolerate it in others and still allow myself to keep my dignity. There is a hierarchy, and to think otherwise is to avoid taking responsibility for one's actions having an impact on the world. You wouldn't put George Bush and Nelson Mandela as being of equal hierarchy of ethics and values evolution. Calling people on their cynicism and their lack of integrity is not intended to point out the 'mistakes' they have made for purposes of looking superior as a form of spiritual materialism (i.e., look at how great I am - another narcissistic statement). Taking a stand for the possibility a person's life can be is simply pointing people back to the best part of them - reawakening their own conscience - the restarting again the inquiry of what parts of their own value system are they not living up, and where their lives could be free, more meaningful, and more fulfilled as a result - not for their sake, but for the sake of the process itself. Where has the narcissism in them stopped them from fulfilling their own destiny - their own potential? I would expect nothing less of my friends to point this out in me - but sadly, when I point these things out in people, most just throw childish hissy fits and act like wounded victims rather than confront what needs to be confronted to have integrity.

With the first inkling that someone might be shamed into humble realization about their lack of integrity - the first impulse is to attack the other person's integrity as a way of justifying your inaction and assuming the position of a victim. Unless a violent crime happens to you, being a victim is ultimately a choice, and even if a violent crime does happen to you, you only have a right to behave as a victim for as long as it takes for you to realize that you have another option.

Just because someone else has a lack of integrity, this does not absolve you from taking responsibility for the knowledge that has been revealed to you by that person. Renouncing victimhood and taking responsibility for all your words and actions is a necessary step to living with integrity.

To restate the 5 tenets as elaborated by Lonny:

1. Only when a person wants to be free more than anything else will they start taking full responsibility for their circumstances.
2. To the degree a person is taking full responsibility for his or her life circumstances having renounced victimization can they face everything and avoid nothing.
3. To the degree a person is Facing Everything and Avoiding Nothing and has renounced the right to hide *anything* from him or herself can they be transparent.
4. To the degree a person is transparent (there is nowhere in his or her life they would mind others looking) and has renounced the right to take things personally can they strive towards integrity.
5. To the degree that a person strives toward integrity and expresses gratitude for life through giving from a selfless motive can they gain fulfillment of their destiny.

Anything less is collusion and can only help a person feel more comfortable about who he or she already is.

The Price of Conviction:

If I continue to collude with people on their lives remaining mediocre, victimized, and essentially the same - then this would be only as a result of my not having a backbone to stand up and illuminate where they're out of integrity with what they profess their values to be, simply out of my personal fear of rejection and not being popular.

Afterall, most people who really aren't seeking to make their lives meaningful and impactful will run away from that as quickly as possible. Noone has the right to tell them what to do, let alone point them to whether they are being hypocritical. But, if my integrity is to remain and I am to have some dignity about my own values, I cannot continue to live in a pretense that all things are relative, all things are equal, when integrity is one of the few absolutes that one can measure anything by. Integrity is nothing more than standing by your word - standing by your convictions.

The prospect of living with integrity scares me - for it implies the potential to a very solitary life, yet my commitment is that at least some people I encounter in my life will be in for the same ride that I'm on - the life of creating something meaningful, something substantial, something worth giving up everything for and that they will hold me to my values.

Into the Future...

How will this manifest? I'm not sure - what I know is that wisdom will come with forging into the unknown. At the very least, it will mean that I will not be out to help people simply to give them another experience which they can feel good about. Its just perpetuating the myth that they can change when they've had just one more spa treatment, they'll change when they have just one more seminar, just one more donut, just one more fling, just one more retreat, just one more vacation, just a little more time to feel good about themselves before they'll truly be ready to take action on their words.