I checked out of my roach-motel into a much nicer place this morning. You can still get a lot for $50 these days apparently. A kitchenette, and a living room with a nice pullout couch, a nice TV, tables and queen sized bed. I saw people with plants and many personal items in some of the hotel balconies. I can only assume they live here for a $1500 a month rent.
Lunch at Island Lava Java...
They had an espresso drink called the "Depth Charge" which amused me to no end :) Their menu was filled with difficult to pronounce Hawaiian names, for otherwise rather American sandwiches. Each day I'm confronted with longer and longer Hawaiian words which have began to merged into one another.
Humuhumunukunukuapuaa was formally crowned as Hawaii's state fish, but this is no longer the case. She has been dethroned because apparently she is found in other areas of the world as well. As of now, Hawaii no longer has a state fish.
Trip to the Camera store...
I had dropped off one of my cameras for cleaning yesterday and this afternoon I came to pick it up. I had a great conversation with the woman of around 35 who had cleaned it. It was great to meet yet another local. So far my conversations of any substance had been with my landlady, the owner of Eddie, and the owner of the Jeep I'll be buying tomorrow.
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be from Hawaii. I'm still not sure I have the answer. What is the ceremonious event that bestows the title of 'local' on an individual? How many years does one have to live here to attain that title? As I wonder the streets it is very easy to pick out the tourists - at least those not trying to be from here - unlike myself. To aid in my quest of localness I bought a book called "Culture Shock Hawaii". It seems to be very detailed and explains the high-level history of the islands and their people as well as taboos and etiquette. Native Hawaiian as well as Pigeon is used here fairly consistently. I'm sure I'll learn some of the language over time. The Caucasians who've grown up here certainly have a distinct accent - that of native Hawaiians, who are of course easy to spot.
But this category of non-indigenous life forms called 'locals' is still hard to identify. So many Caucasians have lived in Hawaii for many generations that discerning them from non-locals is still difficult. Of course there are the hyper-tanned people who look weathered by the ocean that certainly are from here, then there's the hippy kids with their dreads and Bob Marley t-shirts selling weed that are certainly from here. My landlady, and the owner of Eddie certainly consider themselves locals. My landlady has been here for over 25 years, whereas the owner of Eddie and his family have been here for 4. I suppose its in the knowing of everyone's business that makes you a local. Eddie's owner seemed to imply that.
Given the equipment at this camera store - and given that it is the only one on the Island - I will be visiting here quite a bit. Apparently the owner is a Reiki master and is very into holisting healing. The woman at the store told me of her experience when she started working there. He helped her heal from tremendous back pain in just one Reiki session which he conducted while she started working her shift.
There is a certain 'are you local' negotiation that I have noticed which takes place by the people who hold jobs throughout the island. I have not figured it whether that is because the people cannot assume that you're a tourist and therefore treat you as a local, or whether they assume everyone's guilty of being a tourist until proven innocent.
I'm not sure it matters to them, what is interesting is that it matters to me.
Belonging...
This question and deep desire has been a longing in me ever since I remember. I wonder if this is the natural pull that people are born with - to identify with a group of people so as to feel secure within that group i.e., that the group will take care of you should you need help, and that you can take care of the group. While I left my former group behind to pursue a new life, I feel completely alone on this island. Those I identify with are those who have only been here for a very short time as I have. Perhaps they too have the same concerns that I do about fitting in. Like all things, it takes time.
I read an excerpt about a book that deals with the subject of loneliness being the greatest killer - that is to say that people are not meant to be isolated. Many case studies are indicated in this book and discuss individuals who have been forced to be alone against their will, and what this does to their psyche. I suppose this is an omnipresent factor on the planet. No thing lives in isolation from its environment. Its environment determines its nature.
For the first 7 years of my life I lived in Poland. My family moved to England where we lived as an isolated family unit for 9 years. We were not accepted into the English society until the very last year of our habitation. I recall my mom ruminating on the fact of how long it took our neighbors to even wave to her while she worked in the garden. It was in the 8th year that we were invited for tea by one of our next door neighbors. The same held true for friendships within our immediate surrounding. We left for the US when I turned 16. There again we became a fugitive family in a foreign land. My parents have maintained a strong identity with Poland as the majority of their lives were lived there. After 9 years in England, affinity for its people also grew in them. I, on the other hand had no such attachment. I had left during each formative cycle and as such gained no specific notion of belonging to a larger societal context. Patriotism and social camaraderie are still foreign concepts for me. I suppose that this is why I feel so drawn to culture and tradition from an external anthropological context - having not formed an attachment to one myself while my psyche recognizes a need. Individualism has never felt completely right for me, though I realize just how much alone time I do desire on a day to day basis.
I have always felt like a foreigner in my own skin, society at large, and my immediate community. I feel a resistance rather than an inability to be completely open with strangers because I am so attuned to differences between people's societal connections and group-think that I am very aware of how not-them I am and am conscious of wanting to ensure that I do not bulldoze my way through some faux pas or another with every new group I meet. I find myself consciously aware of fears of rejection which I have when I approach each new person.
Moreover, I find myself more conscious of the awareness that I have these fears, and the realignment process that takes place in my head to where I can speak with a new person and feel completely vulnerable and subject to ridicule if I know nothing. A great example of this is a restaurant I've passed by about 4 times which serves local food. Its populate by caucasian locals, with room for maybe 10 people max, and 5 at the bar. I find myself timid and ashamed to go in for fear of being rejected as an outsider. How utterly bizarre. I know I have to go eat there.
This new life of mine will open up the deep recesses of my past and have me deal with that which is not fully resolved.
The Planting of a New Garden...
I bought 3 small but very cool books on how to grow fruit and veggies on this island. I was so glad that there is literature on this topic. With the prices of food here my roommates and I will need to learn to grow some of our food and minimize some costs. I was intrigued to learn that there's a frequent seed-trading fair that takes place in Hilo where local farmers and private home owners come to trade seeds from the best of their crops. How utterly cool. When people work hard together with their environment, they can help ensure that only the best of each crop is proliferated without the need for genetically modified crops with God-knows what counter-effects. Other animals are discerning in their taste for specific plans, why can't we be?
And so the Horoscope speaks...
Monday, Jul 28th, 2008 -- Although you are usually very good about showing up in the present moment, it's challenging now to leave your past behind. Of course, avoiding or denying who you are isn't a viable option, but dwelling on a previous disappointment could close you off to a lovely time. Share your story if it's appropriate, but don't try to carry it like a protective shield.
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