Obsession...

I find myself alone with my thoughts in the midst of a party taking place in my house. A group of 10 people celebrate the end of a week with wine, a barbecue, and 70s rock music. I have no small talk to contribute. I have no latest set of events to talk about. I have no funny anecdotes to make people laugh and to impress them with, and I find little value in the subjects that are talked about.

My thoughts are distracted by my full time obsession with acupuncture, five element theory, Lonny Jarrett's website, evolutionary development, integral theory, and possibilities about the future of my education. The light in my soul for the possibility of embarking on a new journey of renewal and fulfillment has been sparked.

I'm on a personal island of self-possessed thoughts. I left a class 2 hours early today because of how tired I was from staying up too late contributing to Lonny's online community and asking questions. Instead of sleeping, I instead went back on the website to read and reply back to people's advice and answers to my questions. I nearly forgot to eat lunch before rushing out the door to go to the last class of the day for a final examination. I passed my test, and upon returning home I checked my email, continued my online conversations and raided several of my bookshelves and cleaned out my night stand of books I know I won't read, and filled them with everything I want to read in the near future.

I am planning a trip to Oahu over the spring break and will be enjoying the richness of a city life from April 18th through the 23rd. I'm going to enjoy the coffee shops, and the energy of the city, maybe attend a concert or two if any are happening, and visit an ancient bamboo forest which I recently heard about. I will be spending lots of time in Chinatown, as well as visiting a Taoist temple and acupuncture school (World Medicine institute - WMI) famous for Taoist Five Element acupuncture within the context of TCM education. The school is headed by a Taoist priest and holder of an unbroken lineage of 2,000 years of Taoist tradition. If this school impresses me I will be evaluating the possibility of transferring my education to that school in the fall and petitioning my Japanese Acupuncture sensei to allow me to commute to Kona to study with her even while I live and attend school in Oahu. Flights are between $70 and $90 round trip between islands, and with some kind of income down the line, I would be able to continue to pay for frequent return visits to study with my sensei, or take out school loans to cover these expenses - though because of my former income, my ability to get subsidized loans in excess of the base level of my tuition is cut off for at least one more fiscal year.

My money will run out eventually, and if I cannot find time for work within my school schedule, I might need to petition family for funding if I'm to pull off such a two island education caper! Still, the need to think about this is not imminent. I risk by revealing these thoughts and wishes that my sensei will not permit me to study with her if I choose to leave the island to change my main curriculum. If the core of my education at WMI proves to provide me with the inspiration I desire, then it might be a risk worth taking?

As members of the Nourishing Destiny community pointed out, all of the skills from various modalities are of vital importance to developing an integral approach to medical treatment. Furthermore, the spiritual concentration that I seek in my studies may not necessarily be found in one institution or modality over another, and that this is really found teacher by teacher regardless of modality. The more I hear everyone’s advice, the more I conclude that what I need is to have patience with myself and know that all the pieces will fall into place. Simultaneously, I’m also confronted with the reality that I lack a sense of inspiration at my institution and have a lack of teachers with whom I resonate – teachers who I aspire to emulate and who inspire me by who they are being, as well as their depth of understanding, and energy. The exception here is my Sensei, who provides much inspiration. The core curriculum however does have two teachers who I respect very much - but my fire is not lit by working with them, as it seems to be for other members of my class.

Meanwhile, the sound of laughter, and the song "Crazy" is coming from outside my room in the general vicinity of the living room.

Post Scriptum...

After posting this post, I received this horoscope in my email:

General Daily Horoscope Influences - This is the Spring Equinox, a day of equal light and dark, and the first day of the astrological year. The Sun enters impulsive Aries today, pushing energy forward without regard to what may be blocking its expression. New growth is encouraged, yet the creative force may not yet be aware of its destination. Although the practical Capricorn Moon encourages us to be sensible, we are less concerned with plans or details now than the drive to move ahead.

Friday, Mar 20th, 2009 - Hope springs forth from new dreams as last year's unfulfilled ones fade away. But this isn't about defeat, for you don't have the luxury of focusing your attention on something that didn't reach fruition. Forget about the past; look ahead toward a successful future. Although it may take a while yet for you to feel as if you are gaining ground again, don't lose sight of the prize.