3 Days of Oahu Adventuring

Diamond Head Crater...

Here are a few pictures from Monday's adventure to Diamond Head crater, and then Ala Manoa falls hikes. What a full day it was! :) This should give you an idea of Oahu's population explosion:



Manoa Falls Trail...

I wish I had the time to go further into these woods and taken the trail off the side of the falls.







Tuesday...

Tuesday I went to the temple for an additional morning class and found that the second semester students were pretty much on the same par as me regarding their understanding of TCM theory. I also found out that they had covered point location and channel theory for all 12 channels plus extraordinary vessels in one semester - with all point names in Chinese. In my school we do this over the course of a whole year, and we learn the numeric system rather than the Chinese names. They have the same core classes as us, so I wonder what gives in terms of their stress level and ours? I know we covered many many more subjects - but when I think about them, I can't remember what everything was and where all my energy went the first trimester. After meeting with the professor and getting my questions about the spirit channels answered I went back towards the clinic in time for my 1:30 appointment. I met many of the same students I had interacted with and everyone was very friendly. Prior to that I ate sushi at a restaurant which had one of those sushi conveyor belts. It was pretty fun as you can take what you want, and the color of the plate dictates the cost of the item. Mmm... 2 reds, 2 green, and one gray :) Who knew gray could be so tasty!

My acupuncture treatment at the student clinic was so strong that it blew all my qi out - it was too strong and used too many needles for my symptomology. The senior intern used some points that I had no idea about - they were on the scalp and not part of the regular gallbladder and bladder meridian pathways. I was impressed. When I left, I was so exhausted from the treatment and I could barely drive. I had to pull off on the side of the road, recline my seat, and rest for a good half an hour before I could drive again. At the half and hour mark I knew I could not drive because I was exhausted from the treatment, but I felt I had to, and my parking was about to become illegal because of the time of day. Upon returning to the hotel I tried to take an unsuccessful nap.

The treatment was good - it helped alleviate my lung condition entirely and helped me not to worry as much, providing me with many insights, but it left me very depleted. In cases of deficiency the practitioner is to use fewer needled and select fewer points. I don't think this was detected in me given how strong my pulses were and the fact that this was my first time at the clinic.

Question and Answers...

Suzy asked me several questions based on my last blog related to what I'm looking for, and how I will know when I have found it. What follows is an attempt to inquire into those topics:

To answer the question of what is it that I'm actually looking for, I bought a book which arrived several weeks ago but which I have not had the energy nor priority to read. Its a Ken Wilber book on authentic paths to spiritual development. I forget its name. In it he discusses the question of how to find a good spiritual teacher - much of which one can assume naturally. It is this quest that attracted me to Tai Sophia, and this quest that has had me look outside of the Big Island. My time with my sensei is so short each month that I feel like I am not benefiting from the teaching at the pace that is useful, because there is no forum in which to integrate the teaching within the remainder of my TCM training. Still, the teaching I get are not in philosophy, but mainly clinical practice.

What am I missing from my education?

I miss the philosophical basis of this medicine. I miss the integration of foundational concepts. When compared with counseling psychology - its like counseling of the mind, ignoring that there's a body and a spirit, and a couple of hundred years of history and theory. Its like I'm getting training in how to be a mechanic for the human body.

Philosophy in this medicine is of paramount importance if one is to be truly effective. Its like going to church but not knowing anything about the dogma. Every philosophy when executed expresses itself in ritual. In short, what I'm missing is ritual. I miss the power, energy, intuition and self/other awareness that comes with the execution of ritual. Rituals stem from the adherence to and practice of a philosophy in all walks of life - the practice of which grants one the ability to be at one with the philosophy and grants one the results inherent in the execution of the ritual.

The Christian church has its rituals, and the Buddhists and Taoists have their rituals. The rituals I am interested in are the ones that deeply permeate all facets of life - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual - in a way that grants one capacities of intervention in the life of another in order to create course corrections using words, actions, and intention as tools much the same way as an acupuncture needle can create course corrections in the physical and spiritual plane. For me the Christian church only goes so far in defining ritual at least for the lay person - prayer and adherence to lifestyle principles which tend to ignore and in many cases deny the spiritual and energetic inheritance of man in terms of awareness, understanding, and influence upon the material and non-material worlds through the use of ritual to affect changes in time and space as promised to those who execute the rituals and obey the way. There were those monks who through contemplative prayer (meditation) arrived at a profound understanding and unity with the creator (as they understood him/her) that granted them being and influence in the realm of reality simply through alignment with the way, rather than through an attempt to force one's will upon natural laws as a result of attaining some sort of 'special powers'. Its not about learning magic in order to manipulate the world - its about learning magic to work with what is already at play and therefore help facilitate freeing it from whatever stuck pattern it is in, and thus helping it move on. In short - its about helping things stay in motion - therein lies true power as any stagnation causes disease of the body, mind, and spirit and eventually resulting in death. The place of death and stagnation is a topic for another post.

I seek a teacher who will create an environment wherein I am smelted, reformed and forged through practice and structure imposed through that practice that will purify my metal to the highest quality imaginable, such that it can shine in the world and through its authentic brilliance illuminate the darkness and turn people's hearts to life's preciousness and the love that exists beyond judgements, evaluations, stories, and decisions.

I cannot do this on my own. The story I tell myself is that I'm not strong enough to do this on my own - and this story is an interpretation of facts that seem to jive with the stories of my predecessors. Every great teacher had a great teacher - living or dead. There are few who become spontaneously enlightened, and fewer who generate knowledge and wisdom spontaneously. I was in the doldrums and needed the Landmark Forum to show up to propel me to my next stage of evolution. In similar step I have emancipated myself from my former career in order to pursue total and complete excellence. People whom I deeply respect like Lonny Jerrett, and Ken Wilber all had many excellent teachers. Can I learn Tai Qi and Qi Gong on my own? No. I don't believe that these skills can be learned from a book. They must be passed on. How did inventors create them? Through meditation and deep spiritual awakening - therefore their teachers were in other subjects - but they had teachers nonetheless.

The teachers that exist at my school are excellent, and I do not resonate with them. At the Seitai Shinpo graduation I cried. I cried not for the beauty of the graduation and the graduates impassioned speeches alone, but I cried in mourning knowing deep in my heart that Seitai Shinpo was not the modality I wanted my life to be dedicated to, and I mourned the prospect of graduating amongst that group with my heart not invested in it. I feel so completely uneasy writing this in case someone from the school reads this, because though my heart is not in it, I am learning such valuable things at each opportunity when I am in Sensei's presence. There are few who have this privilege, yet this is clearly not my main path. If my Sensei ended my apprenticeship due to this reason, my decision to look for another school would be made.

I do not know what to do. I do not know whether I should stop learning with Sensei out of integrity to the knowledge that I don't want my life to embody this modality, or whether I should continue to learn this modality and become excellent at it, and therefore add it to my arsenal while learning all else she can teach me, and all else I can learn in other ways - be it through self study, or be it through commuting from Oahu while I attend WMI.

My experience at World Medicine Institute was very mixed.

1. I saw that there is a deep respect and use of ritual in this medicine which sets it very much apart from my school.
2. Student's intuitions are very well developed in this school
3. Student's esoteric diagnostic and practice skills are well honed - including such skills as energy field assessment through observation, palmistry, handwriting analysis, etc. To some these skills may seem completely irrelevant to medicine and may seem completely subjective, woo woo, insubstantiated, and 'of the devil' (according to many non-orthodox traditions - noting exception of the orthodox Jewish Kabala practitioners) - I believe that these are information streams which have their place, but which also need to be regarded with healthy skepticism, and when used appropriately with other forms of confirmation can add to the whole picture of a person's past, present, and future prognosis.
4. I like that they teach the points in Chinese and do not use numbers. It allows one to understand the meaning of each point.
5. The Taoist tradition at this schools has chants for the entire Tao de Jing, they also memorize all 28 pulse qualities by chanting them.
6. Moving here will increase my expenses tremendously. I will need to commute and cost of living is higher. Competition for jobs is very strong.
7. They teach free hand needling style which is more authentic than the insertion tube - though through my treatment experience today - more painful.
8. I dislike their clinic environment. Beds are up against a wall - two to a room. Sometimes two patients are seen in each room. The walls do not go up to the ceiling meaning that the patient can hear all conversations including other people's intake interviews. The healing space is just not set up for optimal treatment.
9. The class schedules are so free form that it gives a person ultimate flexibility. You can miss as many classes as you like. All the didactics are put on your own head to learn. The school focuses on theory application and esoterics and tells you that the rest you can learn from a book, so read the book, memorize stuff and pass the tests. This form of learning will give me more free time than I will know what to do with if I am NOT working. The benefit is that I will truly be able to apply myself to the Taoist arts through meditative practice.
10. So far, I've not found a space on the island devoid of human life. There is a trail off of yesterday's trail which I didn't take - but it would provide solitude. So far I have not seen wide empty expanses such as offered by the Big Island. I will drive the whole isle tomorrow.
11. TCMCH offers me private treatment rooms, a quiet and peaceful atmosphere without the hustle and bustle of a city, but it lacks the teachers who will teach the the esoterics. These teachers are also missing in the community.

As for returning to Tai Sophia after I'm done here? I'm not sure that this will be necessary nor desirable. I do not believe that I will want to postpone launching my practice full time while attending another multi-year program - nor that I will be able to afford it. There are shorter courses for existing acupuncturists. What results - I don't know. What would seem more useful after my program is Lonny's clinical integration course. Still this is all far away.

I have seen an alternative during this trip. It was good. It put the benefits of my school's accelerated didactic program ahead of WMI. It also highlighted what TCMCH was missing. I met a student who transferred from a mainland TCM school just one semester ago because it lacked spirituality. She is finding what she wanted and needed at this school. Though these are subjective experiences and cannot be measured.

How will I know when the teacher shows up? I'm not sure. I have no idea how to look. In a way, I really like what WMI stands for, and what they teach, and the fact that the main teacher is a lineage holder of a Taoist tradition that dates back thousands of years is extraordinary - she's the real thing. Noone at my school can claim that. The prospect of switching schools right now is daunting. I will have to relearn all my points again in Chinese. This shouldn't be too bad. It can be done. I can do it during the summer if I do decide to transfer. So far, my decision is to give it time.

Wednesday...

I woke up with a headache, had breakfast, and unenthusiastically decided to drive around the whole island. My mind neither had the focus to sit still and read a book, nor the peace of mind to stop feeling defeated by the past couple days' worth of events. I could just as easily move here to go to school as stay in Waimea. While Waimea would continue to be a test in survival of boredom and spiritual vacuity, Oahu would be a test of too much distraction and lack of externally imposed focus. In Oahu I would have to really work at creating peace within which I could study - yet I find it difficult to do this even on the Big Island due to the pressing disdain in the holes within my program. I think that if I do move to Oahu, I will have to find some way of having a place on my own. I don't get peace at my home, so I feel like I can leave to go outside to get it in the wilderness of the Big Island. Here on Oahu, I will not have the luxury of wilderness to provide me with the escape to solitude. The cost of living here is extremely expensive, so I'm not sure of my chances. Regardless, I will have to work. This island has extremely high competition for job also.

I long for the simple times - the times when I hated my job, but had an income, where I had my own house, my friends, and the illusion of security for the future. I find myself trapped in the ideations of the future and a postmortem of the past. Rarely am I present. But in this realization I find myself present for but a little while. I am putting all decisions on hold.

The eastern part of the island was overcast and when I emerged at the north shore, the sun shone down again. I drove through many changing microclimates absorbing little of the beauty around me. I spent some time at a beach. Oahu has extremely impressive beaches particularly along the north shore. The whole eastern part of the island, either north or south has little to show for it, however. The mountains of the west are arid and beautiful, and the water the most clean due to no fresh water mountain runoff given this region gets very little rain.



This part of the island, however, is where the projects and shanty towns are located. I couldn't believe the amount of poverty and make shift housing on this very overpopulated island - particularly when contrasted with the opulence of Waikiki. There are quiet and remote places on this island, but many of them are lifeless. I've not found very secluded places here, certainly no off roading to speak of that could yield privacy and solitude like the Big Island.

In the afternoon I drove back through the crawling highway traffic back into Waikiki to meet with Marcia - a 3rd year student whom I've befriended and who was also coming here on spring break. We want to have dinner and run a few errands at the mall. Tomorrow I must check out of my hotel and meet Marcia for some kind of adventure before I head to the airport for a strangely anticipated homecoming.

I will want to have some quiet when I come home. The house will be full with guests for at least another week, however. I will look forward to returning to my studies and put some distance between myself and my very mixed experience on this island. Returning to a routine will be good - it will give me a rest, some perspective, and some solitude where I can consider what my next actions should be.

Conclusion...

Time for debate will have to end soon. Either I stay where I am, go to this Taoist school (which would be the most spiritual TCM-based modality available for study) or throw TCM out the window and go to a Five Element school in Gainsville Florida, or Boulder Colorado - both of these locations have excellent schools - the one in Florida may be better given the caliber of teachers located there. At this point, I'm finding that location is icing on cake. Everyone always likes the icing, but you gotta make sure that the cake - the foundation of the desert is good too, unless ofcourse you're one of those people who will sit and eat icing with a spoon.